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The tension mounts… Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro. So in the interests of science and grisly curiosity, Metro.

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Those of you with a nervous disposition, or a tender gag reflex, may want to go and play with some kittens. No choke without fire, right? My question is: why would anyone make something like that up? One of the older chaps got hold of some brandy to liven up an evening of cards. Another lad produced a biccie from somewhere — a digestive, I seem to recall — and we all just cracked on.

A chocolate coating would certainly help, and perhaps some sort of sweet filling. Soon Picture: Getty. He kept a My Little Pony figurine in a glass jar, and spent months patiently trying to drown it in cum, one spurt at a time. To the point his jizz actually caramelised, and turned brown.

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Comparatively vanilla, this one: two or more pugilists beat themselves off, first to finish wins. Honestly, it remains to this day the least faffy, most compatible sexual experience of my entire life. Probably nothing like this Picture: Getty. Believe it or not, actual masturbation clubs exist for gents to go along and choke the chicken in a friendly, non-competitive and safe setting.

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My favourite thing about jacking off is I get a bit of peace and quiet for five minutes. MORE : Men reveal their most embarrassing masturbation injuries and habits. Visit Metro's Rush Hour Crush online every weekday at pm. Tell us about your Rush Hour Crush by submitting them hereand you could see your message published on the site.

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